Happy Holidays

this will probably be my last post for the year.

i'm making a list of the highs and lows this year, what i've learned in 2009 and what i want to do & achieve this coming 2010.  i'll post some of it soon.

to those who read my blog (hope you guys are still there hahaha) have a blessed one to you and your family.  see you 2010!

all peace,

ian

I'm Back!

hi.  been off blogging for some time.

nothing much has changed.

work is still the same.

perspectives, prejudices and aspirations are a little different now though.

much has happened.  but when i try to scribble it down, i can't think of anything to write.

weird.

i feel tired.  i feel lazy.

kulang lang siguro sa vitamins.

so much to say.  not enough will to write it down and convey.

will try to update more often.

Just Chillin'

it's a little past four in the afternoon on a saturday

dark and drizzling outside, i'm listening to Chris Botti

just enjoying the quiet

i haven't felt this relaxed for quite sometime

i live for these simple pleasures in life

i like.

Not Love

Do not believe it when they say that love conquers all. We are all just humans, flawed. In the light of one's true self, only acceptance is salvation.

Family First

i just finished watching "Ang Tanging Ina Nyong Lahat." although i consider the first installment to be the funniest, i find this movie to be entertaining. for some reason i missed watching filipino movies. hay.

anyways, i just like how, in spite of the political setting, this movie did not at all dwell on politics. instead, it chose to highlight the filipino family and values. come to think of it, isn't that the right place to foster change? instilling good morals, values and ways within the family is, for me, a more efficient way to bring about change rather than relying on the government or politics per se. yun lang.

Cannot Be

if equal affections can not be, let the more loving one be me

The Crowd

looking at the crowd i realized that there's a vast world out there, that i am just one of the many mere spectators and that the world does not revolve around me. it is humbling. really.

The Wheelers

this is another movie entry. i just finished watching Revolutionary Road starring Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet. this is one draining movie. read on.







Those who were waiting for the romantic reunion of TITANIC's Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet may be surprised by what they find in REVOLUTIONARY ROAD. The movie begins with a sweet scene where... Those who were waiting for the romantic reunion of TITANIC's Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet may be surprised by what they find in REVOLUTIONARY ROAD. The movie begins with a sweet scene where Frank (DiCaprio) and April (Winslet) meet at a party, but the rest of this drama based on Richard Yates's novel is devoted to watching the destruction of their marriage and their selves in 1950s suburbia. Frank works at a job he hates in New York City, then commutes home to two children and a wife who feels none of them belong in their cookie-cutter town. Their realtor (a fine Kathy Bates) recognizes their specialness and introduces them to her mentally unstable son (BUG's Michael Shannon, in another good, unhinged performance) in an effort to establish some normalcy for the man. However, Frank and April's marriage is not as perfect as it seems to the outside world, and the audience gets to witness their downfall. With its commentary on conformity and finding identity, REVOLUTIONARY ROAD bears more than a passing resemblance in both theme and tone to the TV series MAD MEN and director Sam Mendes's previous film AMERICAN BEAUTY. The characters here may live in a polite age where men wear ties and hats and women clean the house in skirts and heels, but the dialogue often enters brutal territory. Less capable actors wouldn't have been able to capture the volatile chemistry between Frank and April, but DiCaprio and Winslet are as wonderful at uttering sweet nothings as they are at tearing each other apart with verbal barbs. Mendes, directing his wife, Winslet, for the first time, is a perfect match for the source novel's lack of sentimentality and its wry commentary on life in the 1950s that still resonates half a century later. from RottenTomatoes

like what i said, this is one emotionally-draining movie. it makes you ponder if happiness is really that elusive or even perhaps only an illusion? come to think of it, when you get the things that you thought you want, is everything supposed to end there? it's human nature to crave more but it's also true that one can't have it all. where do you draw the line? some may say contentment. others though, say that the day you stop wanting is the day you stop living. my own two cents worth? you never really know. someday it will just hit you that even though you still want to do a lot of things and achieve more, deep within you already have this tranquil and assuring feeling. a sense that although another step forward is surely welcome, all in all you can honestly say that you're already at peace with where you are standing. the only thing that you want to do now is just chill and enjoy the view.

Unfair Treatment

i'm guilty. i sometimes have this tendency to quickly judge and draw out a negative conclusion.

i woke up somewhat pissed. i don't have an alarm clock and all i use to wake me up in the morning is my mobile phone. this morning i almost woke up late (like that is strange?! hahaha) because my alarm didn't go off except for the phone's subtle vibration. luckily, in my tossing and turning, i checked my phone and saw that i was already 30 minutes late from the time i was suppose to wake up! crappy right? nakakainis!

another incident with my phone. see, when i leave my phone idle for two hours it will automatically lock and ask for a password. i don't have a very good memory so i keep mine short (no, i mean the password!). then one night after dinner, i was keying-in my code but the phone would not unlock. wtf?! i'm only allowed 10 attempts then it will be restored to the factory setting, thereby erasing all my contacts, notes, tasks, calendar entries and emails. so as expected, after the 10th attempt, no luck. it restarted with a clean slate.

ano ba yan? i paid xx amount of hard-earned money (hahaha) for a piece of crap that instead of making my life easier is giving me a hard time.

then these happened:

during lunch, i realized that i had it on vibrate mode since yesterday afternoon. hence, the vibration instead of the alarm.

i also just realized that my code is 121212 instead of just 1212. no wonder i was unable to unlock my phone.

and no, these are not signs of aging!! pfft!

Zeroing In On Things

in the tradition of new year's resolutions, i have listed several aspects of my life that i want to improve on, or shall i say continue to improve on?

health. this should be on top of everybody's list. as of late, i haven't been doing much to better this aspect. i'm not sick or anything (or am i? hahaha). i just want to get into shape and continue my disrupted regimen.

relationships. this is one aspect i'm guilty of overlooking. i need to get in touch with my family and friends more often. i sometimes forget to catch up with them.

career. need to get more trainings and broaden my skills to get more out of the opportunities that will come my way

finances. who doesn't want an improved financial state? this one i really have to work on...after these:

music helps me get by, so it is just right for me to invest on a good pair of earphones

being on-time is a must. this will help me....i think




since memories are priceless, i need another help to enable me in capturing new ones

Looking Back

being the last day of the year, i can't help but evaluate how i fared against my resolutions or simply my own personal to-do list. though not completely accomplished, looking back at my game plan for 2008, i see that i have carried out a few. better than nothing eh?

but seriously, i have to double my efforts to make up for what i failed to bring about this past year. last january i said that i was looking forward to what's ahead. true enough, i was not disappointed as a lot of good things have happened.

more than '08 though, i'm all the more charged to face '09. no specific reason/s yet. but i'm sure as hell thrilled to unravel what's in store for me this coming year. so to 2009.....

bring it on!!

Missing

christmas seasons never fail to bring a melancholic feeling. the cold breeze always bring a hint of this funk that comes from missing home.

i miss my family.

i miss my cousins and our ktv sessions.

i miss my nephews and nieces. especially when their faces light up when they see me...carrying something for them! hahaha

i miss my grandma. as difficult as she can get, i still miss her...and her cooking.

i miss my friends.

i miss my hs buddies. as ma fan as they can get, they're a funny bunch.

i miss all my previous colleagues. different groups but just as fun.

i miss the food.

i miss halo-halo.

i miss palabok.

i miss bibingka.

i miss jollibee.

i miss cupcakes by sonja.

i miss the cheesy shawarma under the ayala mrt station (dunno if it's still there).

i miss amici.

i miss my lola's laing and tsokolate on christmas eve.

i miss manila.

i miss the metro's christmas rush.

i miss the traffic (in a weird way, i do)

i miss how everyone is extra nice to each other during christmas.

but most of all, i miss you

On Taking A Break

after a couple of weeks hiatus from blogging, i'm back. i just took a long overdue break, reconnected with old friends and made new ones. it's always nice to take time-out from everything and just relax. eventhough my island trip didn't push through because of uncooperative weather, i had FUN.

at least i'll have new memories that will help me get through this bitch of a winter! hahaha

peace out.

On Long-Term Goals

all of us have dreams, ambitions and goals in life. we shouldn't let anyone belittle our dreams, however mundane it may be to them. what counts is that we dream. even more important is that we do something to achieve it. every action, even baby-steps, matters and contributes to us accomplishing whatever it is we want to attain.

in this regard, i'd like to show you a glimpse of one of my ultimate goals. that is to have my own place that sorta, kinda looks like this:

and that's just the facade. here's the interiors:

and the bathroom:

after all, it's said that we should dream big. dui ma?

Enchanting Fall

i love fall, even more than spring. there's a melancholic comfort in the seeping cold and withering leaves. a lot might find it depressing but it's solitude and serenity that i feel during autumn. here, this is the closest we get to an autumn in new york:

On Holidays

there's nothing more exciting than going on a holiday. i'm taking one late november, and as early as now i'm already feeling ecstatic about it. this manila trip will be double the fun than last summer. aside from meeting up old friends, i'll be meeting up with people that i'm really looking forward to get to know. then there's my island getaway, which i've been planning for a long time. woot, woot!

in line with that, we'll be going to shanghai tomorrow until tuesday (yes, i'm skipping work! hahaha). we figured that since the weather is getting colder by the day, now is the perfect time to enjoy al fresco and where better to do that than in Xintiandi. i also need to do my pre-manila shopping to get the stuff that i'll bring back. ah, this is what i call living the life (even for a short time and even if it will cost me an arm and a leg! hahaha)

update: shanghai trip moved to two weekends from now. we have a busy two weeks ahead.

Run, Run, Run

winter is fast approaching, which means that gaining weight is just like breathing...it is inevitable. and believe me, the last thing that i need now is to gain more weight. hence, i am planning to run regularly (that is aside from going to the gym). and what better way to monitor my improvement and stats than to track my run, distance, elapsed time, heart rate and calories burned. it doesn't come as a surprise that i NEED the new Nike+ SportBand (i already asked a colleague to get me one in the US and he'll be back about 2 weeks from now!)

when nike and apple came up with the Nike+ iPod SportKit (the one for the iPod Nano) i already wanted to get one. the only problem was, i didn't have a nano and i'm not sure if it is compatible with a Touch. so instead of getting a Nano or the new 2nd gen iPod Touch (still contemplating on this one) i decided to go for the SportBand.

at in preparation for that, i got myself a new pair of Nike+ trainers. tada....

i can't wait for my SportBand to arrive. but until then, i'll just lounge around the sofa and my bedroom...that's in preparation for my RUN! hahaha

Religions and other Affiliations

religion is a never ending debate.  even the dumbest person can have a valid argument when it comes to his religion or faith.    

i'm a catholic, a non-practicing catholic at that.  haven't heard mass for the longest time.  even when i was in manila, i rarely go to church.  not primarily because i'm lazy, i can go if i want to.  instead, most of the time i choose not to.  the political meddling of the church with the state, the politics within the church itself, some medieval beliefs and basically the sanctimoniousness of some church leaders.  these are just some of the reasons that i can think of off the bat why i opt to not to go to church.  like most people with the same sentiments, i choose to just pray and voice my thoughts in my own way and in my own time.  

i am not an atheist as i believe in a higher being.  although i have nothing against atheism, i just cannot fathom the thought that there is no higher being or force that watches over us.  maybe i believe in a supreme being to feel safe and comfortable.  maybe i believe because i want someone to run to when the going gets tough or when i feel like something is missing.  maybe because at the end of the day, that is all i have.  faith.  faith that someone is guiding me and that everything happens for a reason.   hey, whatever works for you.  right?

Gone Six Feet Under

i just finished watching Six Feet Under, all 5 seasons of it.  every time i finish watching a series, i can't help but feel a little sad (uy, hindi pathetic yun ha! hahaha).  this is also true when i finished watching Will & Grace, yes all 8 seasons.  recently i prefer watching tv series over movies.  because the story line is longer and broader and because you have succeeding episodes to go back to at the end of the day.  watching series has already been a part of my routine.  i usually have 3-4 tv shows that i take turns watching.  usually of different genres but my staple are comedies.  after Will & Grace, i'm now watching How I Met Your Mother.  the first few episodes were a bore but it's now growing on me.  

back to Six Feet Under, i've always had a thing for the dark and twisted but not necessarily sordid and gross.   so this show is not surprisingly a hit for me.   as i watch the show's final episode last night, they showed what happened to all the main characters; how they started a family, grew old and eventually died.  that got me thinking.  

in reality, everyone has to die.  your parents, siblings, children, relatives and yes, even your favorite Victoria's Secret Angel.  to me, looking at life in that perspective is really humbling.  it made me realize that i am not invincible and that if i look at the bigger picture, the things that seems major to me now, is nothing but a fragment of my entire life.  the same goes with my life per se, i am just a fragment of the human race and the whole of the world for that matter.  having said that,  i came to a conclusion that's not new to most of us.  and that is, as short as a normal life span can be, i must live my life the way i want it, with purpose and for a higher cause. 

the way i want it - need i elaborate on this?  we only get one chance in this life (unless you're a buddhist and believes in reincarnation.  pero just the same, isa lang in a lifetime) might as well make the most out of it.  this is provided that we don't implicate hurt or harm to others on purpose.  

with purpose - the only way to fill the void that we feel is to have a purpose.  however mundane you think it maybe, having a purpose serves as a beacon of light that will guide us through whatever it is we venture in to.  be it to be the top in the class, the best guitar player, the best parent, the best partner or a good christian.  these are all posts that we can measure ourselves against with.  i'd elaborate on this on a separate post.  

for a higher cause -  i'm not talking about something Jolie-Pitt-ish as i don't have the means.  but something to a scale that is realistic to me.  i believe that a life that touched others is a life that is well lived.  the riches, power and material things a man accumulates in his lifetime is nothing compared to how he affected other people's lives.  you won't be remembered as the first one who drove a Ferrari amongst your high school batch as much as how good, funny and kind a friend you turned out to be.  

in the end, death is inevitable.  if the thought of dying frightens you, then it's high time you examine your life and start working on the things you want to do or change.  when you're done, you will be surprised at how welcoming death now appeals to you.  mwahahaha!!

(on second thought, being the first one to drive your own Ferrari won't hurt.  just imagine the look on the faces of the people who dumped you back in high school....that would be priceless!   not that a lot of people dumped me or anything!  defensive much? hahaha)

Idealist vs Realist

my colleagues and i were talking about some personal stuff several weeks ago. before i knew it, our topic got to how being a realist and an idealist both have their pros and cons.

taken from Dictionary.com

Realist - noun

1. a person who tends to view or represent things as they really are.
2. an artist or a writer whose work is characterized by realism.

Idealist - noun

1. a person who cherishes or pursues high or noble principles, purposes, goals, etc.
2. a visionary or impractical person.
3. a person who represents things as they might or should be rather than as they are.

most of my friends say that i'm an idealist. i don't see anything wrong with being one but i just want to highlight that, although i'd like to see things in the best possible way, i am very much intuned that nothing is perfect and that shit happens (pardon my french). i just try my best to stay positive, more so during trying times, because i believe that life is too short to be burdened by things that are inevitable. no one escape the perils of life. that is a given, what is not is our take on things. if you dwell on something negative, it's just understandable that you get sad or even get depressed. this clip from Jim Paredes' blog exlplains it well:

Many times, we define life by the outer conditions and situations which we have no control over, and we end up feeling helpless and victimized. We forget that while the objective condition is a given, our take on it is not. It is something left for us to create. We can give it any value we want — positive, negative, exciting, scary, challenging, inspiring — it’s up to us! Our biggest problem might be our lack of awareness. We are simply not aware of the autonomy we possess to define what we wish to experience.

I was talking to my son about taking on a certain job and I could feel his hesitation. He finally expressed his fear that he may get bored or may not get over his negative feelings about certain people he has to deal with. Feeling his fears, I pointed out to him that boredom and negative feelings are not conditions dictated to him by the world. These are purely internal matters over which he has 100-percent control. He could allow himself to succumb to these transient negative moods or he could decide to summon a different, more positive experience.

Every time I feel “cornered” by so-called negative situations, or when I feel the world ganging up on me, I try to remind myself that no one can give me a bad time without my permission. They can only do so if I allow them to, and I will only say “yes” to them if I am not conscious that I have a choice about how to feel. This knowledge empowers me to be creative and find new ways to experience the world.

sabi nga nila: "mind over matter." if you see past the drama, the hurt, the fright and the overflowing emotions, you'll realize that the world is not ganging up on you and that the forces of nature is not against you. no one is that important, so get over yourself and move on. it's always nice to burst your own bubble once in a while. humbling isn't it?