I'm Back!

hi.  been off blogging for some time.

nothing much has changed.

work is still the same.

perspectives, prejudices and aspirations are a little different now though.

much has happened.  but when i try to scribble it down, i can't think of anything to write.

weird.

i feel tired.  i feel lazy.

kulang lang siguro sa vitamins.

so much to say.  not enough will to write it down and convey.

will try to update more often.

Beckon

amidst the crowd

i find myself standing alone

unsure of what step to take, 

which direction to go 

waiting for the bell's ring,

a melody to follow

for that distinct sound to beckon

and fill the hollow

Not Love

Do not believe it when they say that love conquers all. We are all just humans, flawed. In the light of one's true self, only acceptance is salvation.

The Crowd

looking at the crowd i realized that there's a vast world out there, that i am just one of the many mere spectators and that the world does not revolve around me. it is humbling. really.

The Wheelers

this is another movie entry. i just finished watching Revolutionary Road starring Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet. this is one draining movie. read on.







Those who were waiting for the romantic reunion of TITANIC's Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet may be surprised by what they find in REVOLUTIONARY ROAD. The movie begins with a sweet scene where... Those who were waiting for the romantic reunion of TITANIC's Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet may be surprised by what they find in REVOLUTIONARY ROAD. The movie begins with a sweet scene where Frank (DiCaprio) and April (Winslet) meet at a party, but the rest of this drama based on Richard Yates's novel is devoted to watching the destruction of their marriage and their selves in 1950s suburbia. Frank works at a job he hates in New York City, then commutes home to two children and a wife who feels none of them belong in their cookie-cutter town. Their realtor (a fine Kathy Bates) recognizes their specialness and introduces them to her mentally unstable son (BUG's Michael Shannon, in another good, unhinged performance) in an effort to establish some normalcy for the man. However, Frank and April's marriage is not as perfect as it seems to the outside world, and the audience gets to witness their downfall. With its commentary on conformity and finding identity, REVOLUTIONARY ROAD bears more than a passing resemblance in both theme and tone to the TV series MAD MEN and director Sam Mendes's previous film AMERICAN BEAUTY. The characters here may live in a polite age where men wear ties and hats and women clean the house in skirts and heels, but the dialogue often enters brutal territory. Less capable actors wouldn't have been able to capture the volatile chemistry between Frank and April, but DiCaprio and Winslet are as wonderful at uttering sweet nothings as they are at tearing each other apart with verbal barbs. Mendes, directing his wife, Winslet, for the first time, is a perfect match for the source novel's lack of sentimentality and its wry commentary on life in the 1950s that still resonates half a century later. from RottenTomatoes

like what i said, this is one emotionally-draining movie. it makes you ponder if happiness is really that elusive or even perhaps only an illusion? come to think of it, when you get the things that you thought you want, is everything supposed to end there? it's human nature to crave more but it's also true that one can't have it all. where do you draw the line? some may say contentment. others though, say that the day you stop wanting is the day you stop living. my own two cents worth? you never really know. someday it will just hit you that even though you still want to do a lot of things and achieve more, deep within you already have this tranquil and assuring feeling. a sense that although another step forward is surely welcome, all in all you can honestly say that you're already at peace with where you are standing. the only thing that you want to do now is just chill and enjoy the view.

On Long-Term Goals

all of us have dreams, ambitions and goals in life. we shouldn't let anyone belittle our dreams, however mundane it may be to them. what counts is that we dream. even more important is that we do something to achieve it. every action, even baby-steps, matters and contributes to us accomplishing whatever it is we want to attain.

in this regard, i'd like to show you a glimpse of one of my ultimate goals. that is to have my own place that sorta, kinda looks like this:

and that's just the facade. here's the interiors:

and the bathroom:

after all, it's said that we should dream big. dui ma?

On Lust

i'm not sure if it's because of my being a catholic but i find the word lust too strong and forward. i don't have anything against lust or the likes, this is very normal and as some might say, is simply human nature. the differentiator though is whether you act on every lusting impulse you get. as for me, as much as i want to act on this current lust, i can't. if i try to, mga 6 months akong magugutom!! hahaha

Defining Life and Death

i just read this article from the washington post online. it talks about how advance science continues to make resuscitations more possible, even after 2-5 minutes of heart stoppage. i'm not a science person much less a medical one but what i find interesting in this article is the ethics. where do you draw the line between life and death? especially now that restarting the heart is becoming more and more possible.

some of the arguments are:

- How can death be declared based on irreversible heart stoppage when the plan is to restart that heart in a new body?

- Is it safe to base lethal decisions on the ebb and flow of public opinion, particularly when the same surveys show confusion about death standards?

- Can termination decisions really be insulated from pressure to donate?

- Even if each family makes its own choice, aren't we loosening standards for termination precisely to get more organs?

it will be very hard to establish a standard guideline for this issue. like how you want to live your life is your own prerogative, apparently death is too. well, at least your family's.

Religions and other Affiliations

religion is a never ending debate.  even the dumbest person can have a valid argument when it comes to his religion or faith.    

i'm a catholic, a non-practicing catholic at that.  haven't heard mass for the longest time.  even when i was in manila, i rarely go to church.  not primarily because i'm lazy, i can go if i want to.  instead, most of the time i choose not to.  the political meddling of the church with the state, the politics within the church itself, some medieval beliefs and basically the sanctimoniousness of some church leaders.  these are just some of the reasons that i can think of off the bat why i opt to not to go to church.  like most people with the same sentiments, i choose to just pray and voice my thoughts in my own way and in my own time.  

i am not an atheist as i believe in a higher being.  although i have nothing against atheism, i just cannot fathom the thought that there is no higher being or force that watches over us.  maybe i believe in a supreme being to feel safe and comfortable.  maybe i believe because i want someone to run to when the going gets tough or when i feel like something is missing.  maybe because at the end of the day, that is all i have.  faith.  faith that someone is guiding me and that everything happens for a reason.   hey, whatever works for you.  right?

Gone Six Feet Under

i just finished watching Six Feet Under, all 5 seasons of it.  every time i finish watching a series, i can't help but feel a little sad (uy, hindi pathetic yun ha! hahaha).  this is also true when i finished watching Will & Grace, yes all 8 seasons.  recently i prefer watching tv series over movies.  because the story line is longer and broader and because you have succeeding episodes to go back to at the end of the day.  watching series has already been a part of my routine.  i usually have 3-4 tv shows that i take turns watching.  usually of different genres but my staple are comedies.  after Will & Grace, i'm now watching How I Met Your Mother.  the first few episodes were a bore but it's now growing on me.  

back to Six Feet Under, i've always had a thing for the dark and twisted but not necessarily sordid and gross.   so this show is not surprisingly a hit for me.   as i watch the show's final episode last night, they showed what happened to all the main characters; how they started a family, grew old and eventually died.  that got me thinking.  

in reality, everyone has to die.  your parents, siblings, children, relatives and yes, even your favorite Victoria's Secret Angel.  to me, looking at life in that perspective is really humbling.  it made me realize that i am not invincible and that if i look at the bigger picture, the things that seems major to me now, is nothing but a fragment of my entire life.  the same goes with my life per se, i am just a fragment of the human race and the whole of the world for that matter.  having said that,  i came to a conclusion that's not new to most of us.  and that is, as short as a normal life span can be, i must live my life the way i want it, with purpose and for a higher cause. 

the way i want it - need i elaborate on this?  we only get one chance in this life (unless you're a buddhist and believes in reincarnation.  pero just the same, isa lang in a lifetime) might as well make the most out of it.  this is provided that we don't implicate hurt or harm to others on purpose.  

with purpose - the only way to fill the void that we feel is to have a purpose.  however mundane you think it maybe, having a purpose serves as a beacon of light that will guide us through whatever it is we venture in to.  be it to be the top in the class, the best guitar player, the best parent, the best partner or a good christian.  these are all posts that we can measure ourselves against with.  i'd elaborate on this on a separate post.  

for a higher cause -  i'm not talking about something Jolie-Pitt-ish as i don't have the means.  but something to a scale that is realistic to me.  i believe that a life that touched others is a life that is well lived.  the riches, power and material things a man accumulates in his lifetime is nothing compared to how he affected other people's lives.  you won't be remembered as the first one who drove a Ferrari amongst your high school batch as much as how good, funny and kind a friend you turned out to be.  

in the end, death is inevitable.  if the thought of dying frightens you, then it's high time you examine your life and start working on the things you want to do or change.  when you're done, you will be surprised at how welcoming death now appeals to you.  mwahahaha!!

(on second thought, being the first one to drive your own Ferrari won't hurt.  just imagine the look on the faces of the people who dumped you back in high school....that would be priceless!   not that a lot of people dumped me or anything!  defensive much? hahaha)

Idealist vs Realist

my colleagues and i were talking about some personal stuff several weeks ago. before i knew it, our topic got to how being a realist and an idealist both have their pros and cons.

taken from Dictionary.com

Realist - noun

1. a person who tends to view or represent things as they really are.
2. an artist or a writer whose work is characterized by realism.

Idealist - noun

1. a person who cherishes or pursues high or noble principles, purposes, goals, etc.
2. a visionary or impractical person.
3. a person who represents things as they might or should be rather than as they are.

most of my friends say that i'm an idealist. i don't see anything wrong with being one but i just want to highlight that, although i'd like to see things in the best possible way, i am very much intuned that nothing is perfect and that shit happens (pardon my french). i just try my best to stay positive, more so during trying times, because i believe that life is too short to be burdened by things that are inevitable. no one escape the perils of life. that is a given, what is not is our take on things. if you dwell on something negative, it's just understandable that you get sad or even get depressed. this clip from Jim Paredes' blog exlplains it well:

Many times, we define life by the outer conditions and situations which we have no control over, and we end up feeling helpless and victimized. We forget that while the objective condition is a given, our take on it is not. It is something left for us to create. We can give it any value we want — positive, negative, exciting, scary, challenging, inspiring — it’s up to us! Our biggest problem might be our lack of awareness. We are simply not aware of the autonomy we possess to define what we wish to experience.

I was talking to my son about taking on a certain job and I could feel his hesitation. He finally expressed his fear that he may get bored or may not get over his negative feelings about certain people he has to deal with. Feeling his fears, I pointed out to him that boredom and negative feelings are not conditions dictated to him by the world. These are purely internal matters over which he has 100-percent control. He could allow himself to succumb to these transient negative moods or he could decide to summon a different, more positive experience.

Every time I feel “cornered” by so-called negative situations, or when I feel the world ganging up on me, I try to remind myself that no one can give me a bad time without my permission. They can only do so if I allow them to, and I will only say “yes” to them if I am not conscious that I have a choice about how to feel. This knowledge empowers me to be creative and find new ways to experience the world.

sabi nga nila: "mind over matter." if you see past the drama, the hurt, the fright and the overflowing emotions, you'll realize that the world is not ganging up on you and that the forces of nature is not against you. no one is that important, so get over yourself and move on. it's always nice to burst your own bubble once in a while. humbling isn't it?

On Humor, Music, Sex, Meditation and Beauty

i like reading Jim Paredes' blog as it always stir something in me. he has this new post entitled: Some of the best things are still free. he listed 5 things that we still enjoy amidst the sky-rocketing of prices and the slumping of economies. what he wrote is very true. in the very basic essence, we can still enjoy humor, music, sex, meditation and beauty without busting our wallets or bank accounts. for those who like to argue, yes, we can put price tags on the given. but these things are more appreciated and enjoyed when free or done spontaneously.

i find humor the most important (actually flush sila ng sex! hahaha). i easily get along with people who have a sense or appreciates humor. thus, whether in friendship or a prospective relationship, this is a trait that's on top of my list. come on, life is tough. it is meant to be that way. the last thing you need is to dramatize everything. things won't always go the way we expect it but hey, we don't have to cry our eyes out, alter our entire lives or stop living altogether. we pick up the pieces and move on. stronger and more determined to succeed.

music. this needs no elaborate explanation. life without music is tantamount to an earth without water.

everybody's guilty pleasure, sex. my personal take on this is as long as it is consensual or done responsibly and without a negative ulterior motive or is brought upon by something special, sex is meant to be enjoyed. (insert lion's roar. hahaha)

meditation is very subjective. i, for instance, don't need to be inside a church or hear a mass to cultivate my faith. this maybe a simple act of being alone and one with yourself. if it helps to pray or call to a god, a spirit or an icon then so be it. as long as you feel a renewed sense of hope and positivity, then you're good to go.

beauty like meditaion is very subjective. we need not refer to the media or dra. vicky belo to define what is beautiful and what is not. as stereotypical as it sounds, beauty is innate. we just need to realize that we have it and get past the physical aspects in seeing it in other people.

Self-Help Tips

bernadette, my close friend in manila is setting up her own call center with her uncle. they're already starting to do business and is expecting to be fully operational in a couple of days. for me, that's a big accomplishment and to think she's only in her late 20s. anyways, i called her last weekend and she asked me if i can give a talk to her agents when i go back to manila. i instantly said yes even if i had no idea what i'm going to say! hahaha. the other night, i was unable to sleep and i ended up thinking of what to say when i give the said talk. i don't want to go all profound and preachy as that would be boring and i, myself, still has a lot of learning to do too before i can go and teach stuff about my craft. i then decided that i'll probably just give my two cents' worth on how to better one's self by starting with the basics. here's a gist of my train of thought that night:

1. start with doing good in whatever you do. do well in your job as most of us cannot afford to do what we want to without earning a living. if the financial aspect in our lives is taken cared of, we'll have more room to delve into other things we want to do. also, take pride in whatever you do. no job is too menial if you do it well and with enough gusto.

2. enrich yourself, invest in your own development. may it be learning a new language, taking up a new hobby or going to the gym, continuously bettering yourself rakes in confidence and knowledge in the long run.

3. reward yourself. now, for all the hard work that you put into stabilizing your finances and empowering your self, it is just right to give yourself a treat. buy your self something that you've always wanted, indulge in the food that you've been craving for, get a new haircut or a relaxing massage.

4. give back. now that you are in a better position in your life, take time to reach out and help other people. there is no better way to get a natural high than to help out. having people genuinely say "thank you" to you is priceless. pay it forward and do your contribution in making this world a little better for all of us.

hopefully i won't forget this when i'm about to give the talk na. hahaha

What It Means To Be A Kid

life is so much simpler when we were kids. you know how simple things could bring a smile in our faces? a balloon, a toy, a chocolate bar, a slice of cake, an ice cream cone, or just a walk in the park was sure to brighten up our day. but as we grow older, may it be consciously or unconsciously, it seemed that we just got harder to please. suddenly any toy won't do anymore, it has to be a certain kind or brand. the chocolate bar now has to have nuts, caramel or wafer inside. the cake must be chocolate, not just any chocolate flavor but should be chocolate fudge. the ice cream should have colorful sprinkles on top. and a walk in the park won't do, we'd have to have rollerblades on or a skateboard. i think it's human nature that as we mature, we crave for more (in every aspect of the word).

being a grown-up is not so bad and has it's own perks too. we get to decide on our own (at least most people do. hahaha), we learn to appreciate things on a level that's more than what we see or initially perceive. we learn to listen and reason. and the list goes on.

but today, i just want to go back to the simplicity that is having a child's temporary contentment. hence the following photos:

i'm still working on getting the newer models. mom can you buy me one?